Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Dear Little Mus,

O noster musculum Consequat velit recitavit; 



your toes are pink and so is your tail...kinda cute... but if you cross my counters again and leave me two more teeny tiny messages-remains- by the toaster you're going to the trap.

I don't care how cute you are, really, for I don't share counter space with brazen un respectful gray furry critters poop.
We talked about it last night, remember? 


You paraded through the kitchen while we were watching a movie in the living room, you peeked at the screen from behind the fridge. We asked you to use your own entrance and not our space.

We discussed as you sat trying to focus on us, that you may have been holed up in the attic or the walls and we acknowledge that spring is coming sometime- maybe-and that you are no doubt getting ready to either have the kids or perhaps move the ones you've had.

I am sorry if the wad of dust I found jammed inside the bathroom fan housing was yours to sleep in, but removing it gave much more light to that room. We can actually 'see' our teeth now when brushing!
I also apologize if you were out out by my making sure all the dry goods and cookies are now in tins or areas that you cannot access easily. I totally share anything with anyone, but since you truly don't fit the category of being able returning the favor in kind, you lose.

I'M NOT SURE IF YOU CAN SEE CLEARLY ENOUGH TO READ THE FINE PRINT DUE TO YOUR LEFT EYE BEING SWOLLEN WHEN WE TALKED LATE LAST NIGHT AT THE SINK, SO I'VE ENLARGED THE PRINT.
IF WE'RE GOING TO BE ROOMIES THESE ARE REASONABLE RULES WE EXPECT YOU WILL ABIDE BY: 

1. DO NOT CROSS THE COUNTER SPACE,  DO NOT LEAVE YOUR CARD, DO NOT HIDE UNDER THE FULL DISH DRAINER

2. YOU ARE ALLOWED TO BRING FRIENDS OVER BUT PLEASE LIMIT
YOUR ESCAPADES TO THE MICE AREAS AND NOT THE 'PEOPLE' AREAS

3. PLEASE REFRAIN FROM STEPPING OUT WHILE WE HAVE GUESTS; USE THE BACK DOOR WITH YOUR NAME ON IT OR WHATEVER DISCREET HOLE YOU CAME IN FROM TO BEGIN WITH

4. LASTLY WE ASK THAT YOU LEAVE ALL THE WIRING ALONE WHEN RESIDING IN THE ATTIC, AND WE IN TURN WILL NOT HAVE YOU FITTED FOR A MOUSE WATCH REMOTE COLLAR OR HIDDEN FENCE.

We do expect you to at least acknowledge this contract, and will meet you halfway on the kitchen floor at your earliest convenience to go over any questions you may have.
As a gesture of good faith, we will be serving  swiss cheese with panko bread crumbs; apparently your favorite, according to the hole you bored in the side of the container.
I will make a "mousey bag" for you as well to take back with you, seeing as how I discovered you can get inside the ziplock bags while they are still in the box.
We appreciate your talents, and look forward to resolving these issues, and getting along grandly in the near future...but will rely on the trap if need be.
Trustme

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